Waking up is a weird thing. At first you’re disoriented, temporarily blind. The light is harsh and your body instinctively shields itself from the intensity. As your eyes adjust, the body follows, stretching, uncoiling. If you’re already tired, waking up can make you want to go back asleep, because once you’re awake, the real work begins.

The rest depends on what you’re waking up from. I am of the belief that the reason some of us suddenly wake up and others don’t is because of that “what.” Of the people I’ve met, the ones that have made that traumatizing leap out of the dark into the light of truth often have crazy pasts, have experienced rough childhoods, battles with addiction, abuse, struggle with compulsions, depression, anger and resentment. But one thing is consistently the same: they CARE. And they sometimes care more about others than themselves, put other people’s needs before their own and see the world’s ills magnified in real time. They can’t turn a blind eye to the homeless man. They can’t turn a blind eye to corruption, suffering or the infliction of pain unnecessarily upon life. It is because, for whatever reason, they don’t possess a blind eye. After you wake up and invite the harshness of the light, you can no longer be blind. You are awake. There’s no going back. Get used to it.

DSC_0050-13-01-24-215

But it’s not all gloom and doom. Even though the awake are constantly bombarded with the devastating reality of how fucked up and bullshit things REALLY are, there is simultaneously an opportunity to bond and connect with people who are seeking liberation from the chains of society. Being here with my brethren, the Wandering Zuccottis, I have had the chance to share my philosophies, ideologies, fears, hopes, goals, rants, jokes, and personal history. And the comfort comes with the signal of a nod, the universal “I understand.” It is the same feeling I used to get when my heart spoke to a crowd and the flicker of  fingers echoed its meaning. It is the only thing left worth living for-the possibility that more will find the light, and then have the courage to open their sensitive irises to it.

cropped-city-signs-react-union-n.jpg

I believe in being honest, and honestly, it’s LONELY out here. Imagine being transported to a foreign place with limited resources (like a nice little desert) and there are a few people you recognize, (some you don’t, they’re probably the ones there to report back to the feds) and all the while everyone else is locked away in a fake bubble of a world. You broke out. You know the bubble’s secret-you are trying to crack the code and bust out the others but it is impenetrable. You approach the thick walls and attempt to break it, weaken it, force a crack so that light can shine in. Some are distracted by your attempts and take notice. Maybe some are trying to break out from within. Some are drawn near and want out, but escape is not yet possible, and they often have a slew of excuses. What excuse is there when life is being destroyed? Because, in keeping it honest, I feel like I have chosen to give the bird to Babylon only to stand on the outside of the prison walls trying to start a revolution on the inside. I think the message gets lost through the layers of bullshit. I think the message is getting chopped up, bleached, re-fried, pasteurized, shot up with chemicals and hormones, and served cold to those masses. And I’m still out here, muttering “fuck” under my breath, thinking “well, back to the drawing board. Maybe I should just throw a brick.”

Because in wanting peace and harmony, in wanting us to achieve a cohesiveness beyond the color of our skin or the partner we screw or the history of our oppressive ancestors, we need honesty, and we get angry when we don’t see it. A brick is like the last resort, it’s the last tool in the box. The “brick” is really the last thing you would do to be heard, be freed, to be cleared of your name or your supposed “crimes.”  What would you do if you were falsely accused? What would you do if you had risked your life fighting for freedom only to find it had already been voted out of being? What would you do is you could no longer bear witness to these atrocities being committed in your silence? What if your conscience became a deafening roar and you stared down at your box of tools wondering which one might quiet your unrest and set things right? One that could crack the bubble trapping us from moving forward together? You might  resort to things that are out of your character. You may resort to measures that scare people and that can be easily manipulated by the media machine to paint you as a terrorist, a maniac, just another “anti-government loner.” You may create chaos to exaggerate the existence of utter imbalance. You may kill those who torture innocent people and facilitate the cycle of corruption. When an individual with a conscience can  no longer ignore the obvious, should it really surprise us?

This week on rant radio I will be discussing the LAPD, its history and drawing a connection between the years of violence and the current events such as the Chris Dorner manhunt. Whether you think he is innocent, whether you think his actions are justified, what we have to attempt to see is the meaning of it all, we have to ask WHY he was compelled to take the measures he has, why he was down to the last tool in the box. Can we for a moment recognize his intent in exposing corruption, to clear his name, to draw attention to his struggle to be heard? Can we put ourselves in his place? He is one of many around the world resorting to extreme measures to see change and break through the layers of deceit. An extreme is used in hopes of seeing TRUE progress that reflects the delicate balance of earth’s and people’s coexistence. To see no more suffering, no more wrongful imprisonment, no more torture and exploitation. To see more break free to the other side. We are all waiting for you. The real progress can begin out here, on our terms, in our own image. Strive to understand the heart. Strive to see beyond the acts of desperation and see the increased sense of frustration that leads to it. I don’t condone violence. I am not accusing anyone of anything. I write to encourage us not to judge but to show compassion. Chris Dorner cares, and like many of us, maybe too much. But this is an example of how delicate the balance really is. Progress is not the continuous prosperity of some at the expense of many. Progress is accountability. Progress is the compromise of selfish intent with the acceptance of responsibility.

Out here on the outskirts of Babylon we are trying, with bare inexperienced hands, to build a defibrillator. If you are ready for your jailbreak, we could use a little help.

Advertisements